Lunar Gazes and Whispered Admissions
by elitemassacre6
Summary: They've been what Santana calls "together" in her head for three years. It's clear to her that Quinn is already aware of the part of her that feels like she's holding the chunks of her heart out at arms length. But running and/or hiding aren't her only options this time. So she talks...and Quinn Listens.
1. Silent Truths

I'm not asking you to be anyone but the Quinn that I know. Who can't always find a way to be honest. Who can look into me with those perfect eyes that shine golden in the moon above us and know that this isn't some new game I've discovered I find entertaining. Who sees right thru me. It's weird, the way I know what you're feeling, how you see things and see yourself in any circumstance but this.

I'm not afraid anymore. I don't want to push you away, and I won't...because I know you already chosen fight over flight. I guess I'm not asking for anything. I just wish I knew why your eyes are shining like that right now. Are you thinking about Baby B? About whether or not she's as happy as you are right now? Why _are_ you so happy, Lucy Q?

Because you're here, not having to talk, no one asking you how you feel about Shelby moving to London and taking B with her without even thinking about how you would feel about it? Because you love to watch the stars and the moon? Because you're with me? Do I make you happy? I hope I do...I try to. I hope you know that. That I would give up anything for you to be happy. Everything. That I already have...

Do you know what else you do for me besides making me happy? You take the pain away, Quinn. When I think about it too much, I visualize the two of us slowly removing long barbed knives from eachother's hearts. Along the way opening up just big enough of a gash in our armor to allow the other in. That's what it feels like. Like you're a part of me now.

I gave up everything for you. But now it feels like you've built a new everything in my heart...made me whole again. God, I'm such a fucking dork for you, Quinn. I guess you could see that in me pretty clearly. But I learned a while ago that sometimes you just have to say what you thought you couldn't. I'm not asking you for anything you don't already have in you, baby. I just want for you to need me the same way I need you.


	2. DuckTaped and Stapled

You're waiting for me to speak. Watching me, looking at me, into me, furthur than before. Your bottom lip is caught beteen your teeth, and I smile a little, beause you never used to do that. You would just look away when you were nervous. Try to find something else to focus on. Maybe I'm rubbing off on you.

I guess it's my reaction your pleading eyes seek. I thought it was obvious that we've been together this whole journey, face to face, nose to nose, slowly filling our gaping wounds as we met them or created them. I'm a little angry, honestly. The way you said it...Made me think that if I hadn't been so close to my end you wouldn't be here now. You would be there. There with her. Too far away to speak to, to touch, to see, to kiss, to need, to love. Is that true? If I hadn't needed you so desperatly, where would you be now? Here with me? With her?...You're so blind some times. I loved that about you. I still do. But for different reasons now. It isn't only because I can pretend in front of you like I used to. But it does make it easier for me find the scars in you and heal them when you can't always see mine. All there is left is scar tissue now.

I want you here, and I still need you. For different reasons now. As always, our feelings are mutual. You're a part of me. Thinking about you not being here...I just see myself as this zombie. This thing; bleeding on the scorched midday streets while I searched for you. reached for you to heal me, to love me like you always have.

Honestly, I often feel like i'm just a wreck of a person who you duck-taped back together. Like I'm ruining your chance to be happy, to love someone who deserves it. But I need you, Ana. All of you. Your healing hands and your soothing lips. Your perfect skin, your dark, deep, full eyes. Your warm hands and feet because mine are always cold. Your fingers and the way you dig them into my hair, nails gently massaging my head when you hold me close.

Two years ago, if you had suggested that we lay next together and write letters back and forth, I would have flipped out at you for pretending like you give a shit about me. You've rubbed off on me too, it seems. I suppose what I'm saying is that I'm crazy for you, baby. Take my hand, Ana. Do you feel the pulse there? Three years ago I sat here and wished it would all stop. But then you looked at me and you pulled me close and told me that you would never leave me to hurt alone again. You've made me happy, Ana. Taken the pain away, replaced it with joy without restriction. I love you.

P.S.: Beth with a British accent would be adorable.


End file.
